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madame
hi there, this is me, the owner, CADEN YAP a.k.a the singapore no.1 bastard
birthday falls on 24th MARCH every year


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Saturday, June 14, 2008 1:55 PM
replys:
joy: yea. everything is alright. =) jiayou for ur promos....
Krystal: hmm.. there are two sec1s... i duno which one, but i will find out when i go back n visit ur. lol.
suxian: u are very much welcome. i had fun too.. wahahaa. haunted school
phyllis: with you ard, sure cheer up de

band camp from tues til thurs was fantastic. with haunted school to keep us alive at night.
splendid sharing session with the new batch of leaders
and on tues night
a new character evolved in my life.. *drums roll* TADA! bomb bomb leaves =)
kept me accompanied late at night.
it was a step taken by you
and i appreciated that
past is the past
i've forgotten
but of course, you aren't forgotten. =) *cheers to you*

zouk on thursday night with peeps were fantastic.
partly because of the atmosphere
but mainly because of the people
at the dance floor
stood by the side
watching people dance
the music that really got my heart beating
but afterall, it was the music which brings it on
not the life that i lead that brought heartbeat to it.

nevertheless
i wish to stay at home these few days
i wish to see no one
i wish to contact no one
because i'm not at all ready

i do not know what i want
or rather
i do not know where my heart goes
perhaps lost eternally
in search for the heart
let me take a break

i recalled the dreams
i dreamt once again
a few times i wish to stop all the dreams
a few times i rather throw away my mind

images keep appearing
walking down the road
everything seems to have your presence
turning towards all directions
i'm confused
i'm weak, i admit
i can no longer hide my expression
i just need a break
grant me a break please

before i'm all ready to put on a fake front
how long can i go on this way
how long can the mask be used?
it was not long ago that i put down the mask
i don't understand why is it so hard to put it back

i fell hard this time
real hard that i've no clues on how to stand back
lying on the road where vehicles pass by
i wish to be run over by them
but none did that
they spared me my life
yet, i've no strength to stand up
because i know i will be knocked down once again
i just want to lie there.. for as long as possible.

nothing hurts more than realizing
you mean everything to me
and i mean nothing to you

it hurt to look back, and i'm afraid to look forward.
where shall i look?

if you ever want to know, i never wanted to let go
neither do i want to leave you
most importantly, i dont blame you at all
though a part of me hated you
but a big part of me love you still
and wish to thank you for the memories
though is sad thinking back because i never treasure you much
i regretted because i will never get a chance to atone for my mistakes
i wonder if it was guilt which struck me dead, or love which pierce through my hearts by the angels.
one thing i never regret and neither i made a mistake. is to meet you and have a wonderful 9mnths
but because of this, i'm afraid of everything now
my instinct told me you will be attached soon
just be happy.
and i know i will smile and leave right away.
not wanting to hear anything about you anymore
because my heart is still bleeding
no matter what truth, what lies, whatever that crushes me down.
i know i still love you
til the day
my heart is found

if you can dream it, you can be it
i dreamt many, but i knew it will never come through
envision, but God will never allow this to happen
because is against Him